


Down and Out

by ZiraFell



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is five, Also baby Alec hints at his future ;), Angst, F/M, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Izzy is three, Maryse deserves better, Robert Lightwood Being an Asshole, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 16:58:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18664549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZiraFell/pseuds/ZiraFell
Summary: Maryse sighed and dropped her head into her hands, trying to will away the migraine beating at her skull. She needed to finish these reports and file them with the Clave, make sure Alec had finished the few chores he was assigned, and call to schedule for the wards to be updated.And she had no idea where her husband was, or who he was with.





	Down and Out

**Author's Note:**

> This is not Beta'd. Title from 'I don't love you' by My Chemical Romance (because I'll always be a sad little emo inside no matter how old I get, and sometimes it spills out.)
> 
> There's a slight mention of an oc, Elsie Midvale, but it's in exactly one line, and it's just to further the plot. Not a big deal.

Maryse sighed and dropped her head into her hands, trying to will away the migraine beating at her skull. She needed to finish these reports and file them with the Clave, make sure Alec had finished the few chores he was assigned, and call to schedule for the wards to be updated.

And she had no idea where her husband was, or who he was with.

Robert didn't sleep in their bed anymore, he didn't come home at night, he didn't say he loved her. She had tried so hard to keep him happy, but she was never enough. 

She was just about to give up for the night and leave everything to be finished tomorrow morning, when the office door creaked open and Alec's shy face peered up at her.

"Mommy, I can't sleep."

Alec was almost five, and he was inquisitive and smart and very protective over his baby sister. But he also had nightmares. It was an unfortunate fact of Shadowhunter life that their nightmares started young and only tended to get worse.

"Is that so? Come here, honey." Maryse held her arms out and Alec ran into the room and tucked himself into her embrace. 

She pressed her nose into his hair and inhaled the soft scent of kids shampoo. Alec snuggled into her, and played with stands of her hair, before speaking up again.

"Where's daddy at?"

She panicked inside, knowing she couldn't tell her five year old that his father was out sleeping with another woman because his wife wasn't enough.

"Daddy is just…on a mission, honey. He's going out to hunt down all the bad things so we can keep you and Isabelle safe."

"But what if he gets hurt?" Alec demanded, looking very worried.

"He won't get hurt. Don't worry about that, okay?"

"But why does it have to be him?"

She sighed and held him close.

"Well, it's because he loves you. He doesn't want anyone to be hurt, so he takes care of all the bad things before they can hurt someone."

Alec hummed for a moment before his little brow furrowed.

"How do you know if someone loves you?"

Maryse took the question in stride and answered as best she could.

"Well, if someone is family, they have to love you. But even if they didn't have to, they probably would anyways. You love Isabelle, right?" Alec nodded. "And Isabelle loves you. Just like I love you both."

But Alec wasn't satisfied yet, and he demanded more answers.

"But Daddy wasn't your family until you got married. How did you know he loved you?"

Her breath caught in her throat and tears welled in her eyes. She bit her cheek and willed them not to fall. 

"You'll know because they'll do anything for you…be anything for you. One day, you'll find a woman who you'll give everything just to spend another second with, and she'll give just as much. That's how you know."

Alec had screwed up his face and stuck out his tongue, and Maryse gave a wet laugh.

"Girls are gross."

"Maybe they are now, but you'll be saying something else when you're older."

"Nu-uh! I don't wanna love a girl! Girls are gross! Izzy is a girl, and she can't even use a practice stele yet!"

Maryse snorted and stood them both up.

"That's not because she's a girl, that's because she can't use the potty on her own yet, much less a practice stele."

She took Alec's hand and they made their way back to his room. She tucked him in, and kissed his forehead. 

"You might think girls are gross now, but I'm a girl." She pointed out. "And you love me, right?"

Alec nodded emphatically.

"Yeah, but you're Mommy! That doesn't count."

She chuckled again and turned off his light.

"Try to get some sleep, okay? I love you. Good night."

"I love you Mommy! Good night!" 

She stepped out of his room and closed his door. She stood there in silence for a second before the dam broke. 

Tears streamed down her face, and she hurried to get to her room, _their_ room, before anyone saw her. She hoped that Alec would find someone who loved him, the way she had thought Robert loved her. She hoped he'd find someone to love that would put him first. That would chose him instead of choosing business, work, or pretty young girls who didn't have stretchmarks from carrying his children or circle runes scarred into their neck. 

She hoped he found someone that would treat him right, because god help them if they didn't. She wouldn't let her children go through the same hell that she was going through. She wouldn't let them suffer like she was. 

She locked the door, and pulled her hair out of the pinching ponytail it had been in all day. She sat on the edge of the too big bed, and released her aching feet from the heels she'd been suffering through all day. Next were her stockings. And then the dress that Robert had gotten her, claiming it was a gift for his overworked wife.

As though she wouldn't notice that the tag was already cut off, like someone had gotten fed up with the itchy annoyance on their back and hacked it off as soon as possible. As though she wouldn't notice that it was two sizes too small. As though she wouldn't notice that someone else had worn it before her.

She'd trained and exercised to lose enough weight to go down two sizes. It hadn't been enough. So she thought, maybe if he loved whoever he had gotten this dress from, he'd love her if she wore it too. But he'd never come home after his 'meeting', and she felt like a fool. It didn't matter what she wore, or how she looked. Robert would never love her like she loved him. And she would be stuck, trapped in her marriage, for the rest of her life.

Because the Clave already wanted to take away her children, worried that she would instill 'rebellious attitudes' in them. She wouldn’t give them an excuse by turning herself into a single mother. They'd already taken away Elsie Midvale's child when she refused to tell them where she was living. 

Maryse's only saving grace was that she was willing to bit her tongue and be a good little shadowhunter so long as they left her and her children alone. And she would trade her happiness for her children every day for the rest of her life if that's what it took.

Because she'd give up her runes and live as a mundane in exile before she let them take her children.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if she seems slightly ooc. She obviously didn't mind that much when Alec was trying to put himself in a loveless marriage with Lydia, right? But my theory is that by that time, she's gotten so worn down and used that all she has left is the Clave, so she tries her best to please them. And when they throw her out anyways, she starts to remember how miserable she felt and that's why she does a sudden 180 on her feelings towards Magnus and on Alec's homosexuality. Thoughts?
> 
> Also, Kudos and Comments give me life whether they're five minutes after I post or in 50 years, so let me know what you think!


End file.
